So many thoughts and emotions. The other night Kimmy and I stayed up until 2a talking about our church. I love the people at our church and would miss them if we ever left, but I also feel like it isn’t the same church the we first started attending in 2005.
I am not someone who is afraid of change, if anything I am one who is always looking for it. But with some of the changes at church I feel like it is no longer the same.
When we first came we loved the direction of the church, the student ministry and children’s ministry. Then in the beginning of this year the pastoral staff felt a call to “simplify” and so certain things were scaled back and I felt that was good. But then the children and students underwent massive overhauls that were anything but simplified. And it has made our lives busier and more complex. While the church simplified, we didn’t get simplified.
The thing I am most frustrated with is that I do not go to church to socialize, but I go because I want to serve God and the church. And I feel that all that I have at my church is that social aspect. I want to do so much more and use my gifts and talents for His glory, but yet it seems that all I can do is nothing.
I know that I help and serve with the students, but so much of that is a show, that I feel it is hard for me to do the ministry God has called me to do. I have asked if there are other areas at the church where I can be used, but that has gone unanswered. It is as if the simplifying and waiting has caused too much busyness for them as well.
In the mean time as the church waits on God’s direction, so do Kimmy and I, which we have been doing since we have been married.
O God, You are my God and I will ever praise You!
I will seek You in the morning and I will follow You all of my days.
And step by step You’ll lead me.